Sedately Scheming

pollums:

First, start with a shitty sketch in an obscenely bright color, so that not only are you the only person that understands the sketch, but you are also the only person that can bear to look directly at it without hearing the pained sizzle of your previously functional retinas.

This is, obviously, to protect the state secrets you’ve kept encrypted in the sketch itself. You are a patriot after all, and you would kill to keep your homo drawings safe for your country.

Next, lower the opacity of your sketch layer to 30% or below, so that you need to tilt the screen and crane your head at a weird angle to see the sketch. Then make a new layer to ink on. You tell people that this is so you can preserve the spontaneity of your line quality so the drawing doesn’t become stiff.

In actuality, this crucial process ensures that you have no fucking idea what you’re doing at any given time.

Next, make the sketch layer invisible and make a new layer over top of it. Using fillbucket, slap an arbitrary base color down. A midtone is best because it gives you the flexibility to go lighter or darker with the rest of your colors, but if you’re a fucking asshole, you can choose brighter or darker colors just so you can heavily regret your decision later.

Then using as many layers as you require, do some shitty colors. Bitterly reprimand yourself for not making closed shapes in your ink layer so that you have to do all the colors by hand instead of just fillbucketing this entire step.

Try not to use too many colors. I usually max it out at 1) a few neutrals that relate to the base color 2) a bright color that also relates to the base color and 3) one complementary-ish bright color that pops. All other colors are just slight value/saturation variations on these other 3 colors

Finally, disregard all the work you did and overload your smoldering turd with Photoshop filters. 

Post the image. Hope no one notices that you have no fucking idea how to draw black people. Cry uncomfortably loudly to yourself over a chocolate cupcake while sitting in a public place.

Now you are an artist.

yoccu:

i started doing this thing where i go to stock photo sites and just pick random things to practice drawing really quick and

i came across

this?????????????????????????????????????

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splinteryourspine:

splinteryourspine:

I just watched an old couple get into their car and set off the alarm and then try to turn it off for like ten minutes before giving up and driving away with the alarm still going off

now that i think about it maybe i just watched an old couple steal a car

xdais:

meggieoh:

OH MY GOD WE HAVE COOL WHIP. 

I can’t wait to fucking eat you TASTY…. 

the more i look at this the more hilarious it gets

because this happens to me ALLLTHETIIIIME

shooting-stetsons:

largerthanlifeus:

consultingskeletontribute:

somesortof-death-frisbee:

imyouraziraphale:

One

two

three

four

I declare

a time war. 

 #five 

#six 

#seven 

#eight 

#daleks scream 

#EXTER-MIN-ATE

Nine,

Ten,

Eleven,

Twelve.

The Doctor died,

and Silence Fell

Twelve,

Eleven,

Ten,

Nine. 

Here he goes,

back in time.

chair latte

no hands stop it that’s not what i wanted to type

pancakestein: